April Kirkwood is a licensed therapist, author, and speaker Her memoir, Working My Way Back To Me, is an inspirational tale that sheds light on universal struggles involving love, sexuality, addiction, and mental health. She is an advocate for women and early childhood trauma that affects adult romance. Her philosophy and treatment are a refreshing blend identifying the mind, soul, and body connection through practices of awareness and awakening and play therapy. She is presently preparing for Ted Talks presenting the topic: The Brutal Reality of Believing Your Own Fake News
None of which I want for my life or those I work with. Walking away from a relationship without a deeper understanding of the complexity of the dynamics of those involved can leave open wounds and hearts left broken. As a therapist the decision to emotionally divorce from another must be accomplished with healing therapies. It is imperative to do self-introspection to find out why and how the relationship came about and what remnants of it still linger in the client’s behaviors and beliefs. This is necessary to help alleviate the potential of repeating the involvement with new toxic relationships in the future.
It is a last resort and can only be accomplished when a client can do this without intense feelings of guilt and remorse. If not, the problems only change names which can include inability to forgive, anger, depression, and isolation.
Another concern is the process of lumping all personality disorders together. This is a detriment to individual treatment though, of course, many symptoms overlap.
I don’t always agree that truly toxic people don’t value relationships. Some personality disorders ‘over’ value relationships and consider them their lifeline. They devour other’s attention as though it is the air they need to survive. Their selfish actions are more methods of filling their own feelings of emptiness and low self-worth. They need people to reinforce what they are lacking from within that is a major detriment to actually focussing on anyone other than themselves.
I love the explanation of hovering. Those in toxic relationships to be aware of their calculated use of intermittent gestures of positive reinforcement that make understanding, creating boundaries, and maintaining self-worth difficult to maintain.
As a spiritual, holistic counselor, I recognize that there are souls that are damaged and it often becomes necessary to step back. However, it is best to do it with insight, forgiveness, and a willingness to see them as individuals that are not grounded in the kind of emotional foundation needed to have healthy relationships. Caring for someone can mean letting go and letting those we care for find their own way home so that you on to continue your adventure with joy and peace about yourself and your decisions.